Filth

We live with the fascinating notion that when things get out of hand, when life takes a turn we didn't expect, or don't get everything the way we want we should scramble and attempt to fix.... Everything. 

We power up, toughen up, start new projects and get everything done.  

We close up, put on the armor and ready ourselves for a battle so we can get it "right". 

We blind ourselves to the way things are and only see how we want them to be. 

We cut ourselves off the present moment so we don't have to deal with the chaos or feel the disappointment. 

Ironically, the only thing we need to do when the shit hits the fan is... To sit in the shit. 

Sink really nice and deep ad feel the tight embrace of all that is going "wrong". 

Dive into the darkness and soak in the chaos. 

Breathe in the muke of our own dead ideals and rotten dreams. 

Sink deeper into the filth of unborn desires and repressed fears. 

And stay there, until we loose that "Yuk" sensation and get really nice and comfy. 

Once we no longer tremble with desire to get out and get "cleaned up" is when we can finally stand up and keep walking with no goal in sight but the next mud puddle. 

Delusions

If delusion is all I have to keep me going, then I shall hold onto it with all my heart

If illusion is the only light

That shows my way

I shall cherish it until my last breath. 

Until my last breath

Find my anger, 

fuel my rage,

Sing my war song 

with the last of my breath,

Dance to the rhythm of my own heart 

and die with freedom on my lips.  

Anger born not out of my fear

But of my compassion

Rage carried in my veins 

From eons of repression

Violence fueled by the aggression

Towards my sacred soul 

Rip a cry out of me, Mother,

Gift me a war song

Rip my soul into pieces 

Bleed my heart out

To feed the hungry soldiers

To quench the thirst of the soil

Gift me courage, Mother,

And strength

To hold in my arms

The dying

To breathe power in the lines

Of my men

To carry the spirit of freedom

To lead and sing the war song

Until my last breath. 

Another name

I want to face the Angel of Death

Become One with her

I want to feel the coldness of her fingers

I want to drink the chill of her breath

Wrap her fingers around my heart

Embrace the darkness of my soul

A serpent is rising in me

And I am not afraid of its rage. 

Another face of the flame in me

Just as true as the light

Darkness not out of ignorance

Blackness as the twin of the Light

Another name for the Love in me

Born out of compassion

Born out of wrath

Violence reigns in me

Carried on infinite light. 

Light the fire in me

I put down the sword and the guard

I fight with the light in me

With the Love in my heart

I come not to conquer

I fight not for my might

I come to bring freedom

and bring my soul back to life

I come to remind 

of the limitless possibilities

I come to show you the Light. 

Stay with me Mother

Shine on me, Mother

Shower me with your light. 

Let me step into the fire

Not because I am strong and ready

But because I am scared and weak. 

I bow before you, Mother

In reverence 

In humble prayer

Give me guidance

Give me light

So I can bear your luminous might. 

I am nothing but a vessel

Carrying your word

Serving your will

Following your steps. 

I bow before you humbly

Let me be able

Let me be enough

To be with you

I am not strong, Mother

But I am willing 

To walk down  the path

Stay with me when I stray off the road

Stay with me in my moments of weakness

Stay with me when I am lost

Stay with me in delusional victory. 

Bathe me in your tenderness, Mother,

Wrap me in your  glorious wrath

Feed me with compassion

Lull me to sleep in your fog. 

So I wake up tireless

Forgotten the horrors of yesterday

Eager to take up the path once more

Singing your beautiful song. 

How much I love you

The Love that makes me happy is the Love that I can share with you. 

Why do I need to deny that I Love you?

It is not important if you Love me back. 

I may die tomorrow or you may die tomorrow. 

What makes me happy now is to let you know how much I love you"

Don Miguel Ruiz

The gift of light

The gift of light will appear when you take in the fear.