I am awake... Now what?

I am awake.... Now what?
It seems this awakening we are all longing for is not the end destination, the invaluable prize, the wholly grail.
It seems this wakening, we work so hard towards to is the just very first small step on a very steep stairway, to territories unknown.
To awaken means to be aware.
To be aware of the stories in our heads, to be aware of how we react to the daily fluctuations of the mind, to observe our mental chatter and while learning from those experiences to use our discernment as to what is real and what is a story.
Many... most of us are already awake. Yet we keep striving towards the awakening still, like puppies chasing their own end. We expected some serious boom-bang, heavenly lights and chimes to accompany our awakening, yet here we are each day squinting our eyes open and hoping the nightmare of being trapped in 3D is over. We keep hoping we have done the hard work, walked the spiritual path, paid our dues of service and now is time for the Divine Will and Light to take over and float us home on angel wings.
One tiny detail we forgot while srcambling to transcend our earthly condition is that we ARE the Divine Will. We are the Divine choosing to manifest as we are and it is our choice what we do with our awakened soul.
The trick of the whole game, I think, is that the soul, the Divine, the superconsciousness, whatever you want to call it, wants to awaken with the Mind, the human part of us still fully functioning. And while we have managed to awake and say " Here we are", we haven't totally accepted that we are in control now. Or in more human terms, we are avoiding the responsibility, still thinking small. Still accepting limitations.
The mind, because it is brilliant, has tricked us into continuing to play the game, even though the game is actually over. It will keep leading us to exotic places and illusionary worlds, until we shake off the doziness of our waking up and say, "Oh, I can just exit now." It is that simple.
And again, exiting, is not about leaving something behind and transcending into a new world where we just float around and exercise our magical powers at will.
By exiting we just drop the illusionary visions and narrow definitions of what is possible.
Anything is possible. We just haven't allowed ourselves to be totally convinced yet...

Fear

We are just a string of experiences, empty of meaning and void of permanence. We fight to perpetuate "ourselves " by creating patterns and telling stories to convince us that those patterns define is.

" Self" is just the story of "self" we create, and we become attached to that story, afraid that if we don't embody this image we have of ourselves, we will dissolve into nothingness.

The Truth is there was no "Self" to begin with. The boundaries of the "self" are mind-made: the separation between me and you, us and others, mine and yours are illusionary and created by the Ego in order to breathe into existence a separate indentity. In reality the separation does not exist.

We use everything- our day to day interactions and reactions to reinforce the story. We create likes and dislikes, excuses and attachments so we can hold onto something we believe is the self.

The patterns are easy to attach to and identify with because they provide predictability and safety- we know how we will react to the environment and how the environment will react to us.

Our fear is nothing but a reaction to something out of pattern.

Fear is our pattern towards the unkown.

Self-inquiry

What does it take to keep the stillness in the mind and in the rhythm of the breath throughout every day tasks?

Can we see out inhale and exhale as a ritual regardless of whether we are sitting in meditation, eating lunch or vigorously moving? What does it take to sustain the awareness?

Can we yoke our intention, the focus of our attention to the rhythm of the breath and keep it there no matter what distraction we encounter?

Which is easier to control-  mind or breath?

Which is the first to get distracted- mind or breathing?

By noticing and being curious about this process we are practicing svadhyaya- self-inquiry.

we are...

We are writing our own stories. 

We are the canvas that we paint on with our breath, with our love.

Fill me up with Love

Fill me up with love

I want no more hatred and anger and fear

Heal me

I want no more judgement and prejudice

In my heart

Fill me up with love

And let me share

With every other being

Let me love like you do

Without the shadow of doubt

Without condition

Heal me

Fill me up with love

Become the storm

Don't brace for the storm, embrace the storm. 

Become the Storm, powerful, uncontrolled, pure

Get hurt without becoming bitter. 

Get angry without becoming vengeful

Get jealous without being offended. 

Love without expectation or condition

Find joy even if there is no one around 

Be weak in front of a crowd. 

Don't revel in how much you know or what you know

Become humble 

Recognize the existence of another

Respect another's space and decision

Loose your self- importance

Loose your mind in the now

It is the only way to find home

To become one

To be light 

Wings of light

If we want to bring change into the world we must be first willing to work on ourselves.

We cannot bring light until we have gone deep into the dark and become the light itself.

The work in ourselves requires us to go deep into our psyche, deep into our soul, where we haven't been in ages. It asks of us to meet our deepest, darkest desires and fears, it calls to us from these places where we don't want to look. 

The work we need to do is embrace those parts of ourselves we deem disgraced, inappropriate  and shameful. Until we wrap our arms and our heart around the child scared to death, around the broken hearted soul, around the angry spirit and  fiery human mind that is always seeking validation we are not whole. And until we are whole we can't manifest change that is enough. 

Once we bridge the disconnect between mind and heart, between humanness and spirit, between reality and illusion in ourselves we can't do it for anyone else. 

Find the darkness, the resistance  and dive deep into it.  It is going to be uncomfortable, the mind is going to scream in terror and play tricks on you, invoking unearthly fears and unbearable pain. Stay with it and breathe, breathe so deep you get lost in your breath, in your darkness, in your resistance. 

Stay with it until you become one with that resistance, with that pain, with the ugliness in you. 

From the ashes of your illusions the light of your soul will shine. 

Like the raven that has gone into the deepest void, where the light  is born and is bringing it out on its wings.