Evolution

They say it is me who is afraid of opening, of loving deeply, of trusting completely.
And yes i have been there- when i couldn't look the other in the eye and say what my heart wanted to say.
But is it me who is afraid and running.
I do not run. I simply realize that what i am looking for is not here and keep going. Keep searching for what my heart believes to be true.
Some sort of feeling that makes you humble, forgiving, compassionate. The feeling that destroys your ego.
You don't need to fight your ego. You don't need to kill it.
When you finally taste the love I have felt the illusion of the ego simply dissolves into thin air.
That is why love is tied into everything. Love is the one so often missing component of our journey of self exploration
We believe to be so brave in our search for truth, stepping over people and causing pain.
But we don't stop to love. We never stop and say " wait, this person's feelings are more important than mine". That is the ultimate death of the ego.
From that the Ego cannot rise again.

Everything else is just a temporary exile
The ego simply comes back, may be in a different shape and form. But stronger than before. Because you are convinced that you are the most important. That all there is is you.
The only illusion in this world is YOU. You cannot exist. You only Exist through others. So give them all you have. All your passion and love and trust and fears. Do not hold anything back.
You will see how beautiful it is.
The biggest gift you were given is the ability to love selflessly.
But we have chosen to ignore that ability.
We always want something in return.
Whether it's to be loved back or appreciated. Something is demanded. And that kills the feeling.
Pure Love. It has no goal,no objective.
But we are afraid to let ourselves feel it because we afraid we won't be loved back. And we will look like fools.
Such a silly fear.
How can you look foolish for giving all you have. It is the person that is shying away from that feeling that is being foolish.
Are you willing to look like a fool for love?
That is the ultimate question. Because that is where the ego doesn't stand a chance.
There is nothing to be ashamed of. Be foolish, go to the extreme, beg, go down on your knees and beg. Because if you are not able to do that you are too proud and your ego is gripping you tight.
It is a shame that so many of us go through life never experiencing the sweet surrender of love.
We only find the illusion of love. Some pitiful substitute that we parade around proudly.
It is a medal. A medal that days " I am not me. I am my ego. And i am proud of it" and we don't even realize it.
So foolish.
So no, I am not the one that is afraid and incapable of loving.
Because each time i love to the brim. And each time I leave, somewhat disappointed that the other wasn't ready to see the extent to which I love.
I leave just so I can go do it all over again.
And I never stop loving anyone. All my love is scattered to the edges of the universe.
But the gift I give is often returned. Sometimes rummaged through and wrinkled, sometimes worn, sometimes unopened.
And that fills me with sadness
But doesn't kill the hope in me.
It doesn't kill the love in me.
Even if i have given just a glimpse of love it is sometimes enough.
Or it simply wasn't the right time.

So i go on searching.
And if I never am able to give it all away. I know I have given all I have. I haven't given up. I haven't shrunk away in fear.
And I have learned.
I am always learning how to love.
It is my own evolution.