Moments of weakness

We all have moments of weakness, where we seek for the comfort of something familiar, of something that makes us feel good even if know it is a just quick fix and won't last.
Are those moments failures or the moment where we realize our strength and potential?
We hold so tight to the goal in sight, we tense so much aiming to achieve at some point we let go completely, we collapse and can't go on.
And then we fight with the guilt of that weak moment, brush it away and try not to think about it.
If we could soften without the collapse, keep aiming for the purpose without the tension and the guilt, the road will be much more joyful.
And don't judge the moments of weakness, they are just as necessary for growth as the strength we need to carry on.

An experiment gone off

The mistake we make is that we look to escape this world.
It already has all the beauty we are looking for.
But we have let our brains take over and blinded ourselves to the beauty of imperfection.
We became lazy, gave into the pattern of thinking because it is easier to follow a patterned logic than to explore the vast unknown.
We are an experiment gone a little off track.
An experiment in vast cosciouness finding expression in a human form.
The amazing thing is that we are able to function, to take in all the sensory information we are bombarded with, process it and be able to carry on. It is a pure miracle.
Our brain, our mind is an amazing machine making all this possible.
But here is the trick. It is a machine, its purpose is efficiency and results.
Not being, enjoying or observing,but doing.
And at some point we found it easier to function on autopilot. The stick with the easily predicted pattern rather than flow with creation.
We close of and speed towards some ureachable goal, while if we simply stop, take a breath and take a look, a real look around, unobstructed by the conditions of the mind we will see we already have more than we need.
Persuing efficinecy we lost sight of the beauty.
It's time to take this experiment to the next level, move out of the brain and into the heart.
Dance with the flow and use the mind to create, not let it hinder the exploration of the unknown.

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Holding us rigid

Soften...
Feel the softness inside of our being
Throw off the coarse and heavy blanket of logic and ignorance
Return to the center
Soft, fluid, gentle
Confident in our own shape and movements
Move from the place that has no beginning and no end
Embrace the dark void in us
Make love to the imperfection
And keep softening
Until we become fluid
Reach for the darkness
Only to discover it is pure light
Release the human shape
Let go of the structures holding us rigid
Feel for the soul
Dance with the breath
Vibrate with the light
Abandon the fear
Become one with the universe

The Human factor

The challenge for some of us is not that we don't see deep enough in people but that we see too deep.
We go past the the superficial layer of physical shape and form and gaze deep into the being, into the layer most of us don't notice in our own selves.
We illuminate the dark void and see the beautiful truth of the human soul.
All we see is unlimited potential and pure light
The blindness comes when we forget the human factor.
We forget the beauty of human imperfection.
We forget that we all struggle with our shortcomings.
We expect too much and pass judgement when someone falls short of their full potential.
We forget that that is the beauty of life.
The imperfection, the challenge to find our way, that is where the full potential is expressed.
And most often we forget to consider the human factor in our own selves, becoming our harshest judge and constantly sinking in the ocean of disappointment and underestimation.
And instead of finding the joy of walking the path we keep punishing ourselves for not being good enough.
Have some compassion for our souls and accept that life is a process of discovering and shaping that potential into a form best suited to lead others down the path.

Anything is possible

Life is not about what we might be or what we want to be.
It's about how mch of that future ideal self we can bring into the present moment.
We are always in a state potential, where everything is possible

The idea is not to put of that potential into the future but to tap into here and now.
The future is unknown.
After all it is full of potential.
Anything is possible when we give the now everything we've got.

Enlightenment

"Enlightenment is not imagining figures of light but making the darkness conscious."
Jung

It is in the darkest hours  that we learn to find the light inside of us.
When no one else can get us out of the rut but our own consciousness.
The flame that is within us but we choose not to look at.
It is frightening to know the power that we have.
It makes us cringe when we know that we cary the sole responsibility for our actions and our reality.
That there is no one to blame or to share the responsibility.
That we alone create the universe we live in.

It is the greatest responsibility and the greatest liberation we will ever find.

The invisible adversary

The hardest battles are not the ones with a clear adversary.

The toughest moments are not the ones that you can pinpont.

The most challenging work we do is fighting the invisible demons within.

Those thoughts that chase the sleep away, and rip our hearts out for reason we can't name.

The wounds that we don't know  we have.

The tears that roll down our faces not because of pain but of frustration with the  blindness that we are facing.

The moments damage us the most because we are fighting our own nature, our own self.

The invisible adversary is a fragment of us.

A fragment that we wish not to see,  not to acknowledge.

A piece of our being that we can't make peace with for reasons dictated from outside.

Lay down the weapons of anger and self- mutilation.

Abandon the power struggle.

Embrace the part of us that we deem ugly and try to ignore.

It will keep knocking us off balance until we acknowledge and accept it.

That is the toughest battle- because we can't win or loose.

We need to learn to coexist peacefully.

My Evolution

Yes I have been there- when I couldn't look the other in the eye and say what my heart wanted to say. Am I afraid and running? I keep searching for what my heart believes to be true.
Some sort of feeling to make me humble, forgiving, compassionate. The feeling that dissolves the ego.
I don't need to fight it. I don't need to kill it.
When I taste love the illusion of the ego simply dissolves into thin air.
Love is tied into everything. Love is the one so often missing component of our journey of self exploration
We believe to be so brave in our search for truth, stepping over people and causing pain. But we don't stop to love. We never stop and say " wait, this person's feelings are more important than mine". That is the ultimate death of the ego.

From that the Ego cannot rise again.
Everything else is just a temporary exile
The ego simply comes back, may be in a different shape and form. And stronger than before. Because we are convinced that we are the most important. That all there is  is the I.
The only illusion in this world is the I.  I can't exist without you. I only exist through others. So I give all I have. All the  passion and love and trust and pain and fears. Do not hold anything back.
It is beautiful. It is pure joy. The biggest gift we were given is the ability to love selflessly.
But we have chosen to ignore that ability.
We always want something in return.
Whether it's to be loved back or appreciated. Something is demanded. And that kills the feeling.
Pure Love.  It has no goal, no objective.
It needs no validation.
But we are afraid to let ourselves feel it because we afraid we won't be loved back. And we will look like fools.
Such a silly fear.
How can one look foolish for giving it all. It is the person that is shying away from that feeling that is being foolish. That has condemned himself to suffering
Are we willing to look like fools for love?
That is the ultimate question. Because that is where the ego doesn't stand a chance.
There is nothing to be ashamed of. Be foolish, go to the extreme, beg, go down on your knees and beg. Because if we are not able to do that we are too proud and the ego is gripping us tight.
It is a shame that so many of us go through life never experiencing the sweet surrender of love.
We only find the illusion of love. Some pitiful substitute that we parade around proudly.
It is a medal. A medal that  says: " I am not me. I am my ego." and we don't even realize it.
So foolish.

All my love is scattered to the edges of the universe.
But the gift I give is often returned. Sometimes rummaged through and wrinkled, sometimes worn, sometimes unopened.
That doesn't kill the hope in me.
It doesn't kill the love in me.
Even if I have given just a glimpse of love it is enough.
So I go on searching.
And if I never am able to give it all away. I know I have given all I can.  I haven't given up. I haven't shrunk away in fear.
And I have learned.
I am always learning how to love.
It is my own evolution.

The hanged man

The upside down hanged man represents the law of reversal.
Do the opposite of what is ordinarily expected to fulfill your work and escape samasara.
Salvation is attained by passive surrender rather than by assertiveness and forceful resistance.
Surrender is represented by complete letting go of self- aspiration and personal ego.
In plunging to the depths of unconsciousness a metaphorical death is experienced.
However, death by drowning in the ocean of collective unconscious brings new life.
Rising back to the top, rebirth comes in its own time, and cannot be rushed by your own timetable of egotisitc desire.
The hanged man lives.

Tarot Voyager

What is faith

"Doubt is pain
Too lonely to know
That faith is his twin brother."
Khalil Gibran

So what is faith?
It could simply be put as the lack of doubt.
Then what is doubt?
Doubt is insecurity, fear, hesitation
Doubt is everything that knocks you of your balance.
Doubt is everything that is unnecessary.
So let go of it
Simply trust
But first you need to trust in yourself.

Live fully

Sometimes the purpose we are striving to define, the goal we are aiming to achieve is just another square box we are building around ourselves and limiting the possibilities of what we can become.
Hold your highest ideal, your highest self, you ultimate desire- joy and luberation in sight and keep walking with your head high.
The road may go up or the road may go down, it is only the path you walk not your soul that wonders.
We are here simply to learn the lessons the soul is in need of.
There is no need to suffer.
Enjoy learning the lesson.
Live fully even when it hurts.
Live fully especially when it hurts.
That pain is where the light enters you.

Moral

Are you upholding moral premises that are not your own?

What is

Let go of the attachment to what you want.
Become joyful with what is.

A lie is an act of self abdication

"People think that a liar gains a victory over his victim. What I have learned is that a lie is an act of self-abdication, because one surrenders one's reality to the person to whom one lies, making that person one's master, condemning oneself from the on to faking the sort of reality that person's view requires to be faked"

Atlas Shrugged
Ayn Rand

The Gap

Pay attention to the gap- the gap between two thoughts, the brief, silent space between words in a conversation, between the notes of a piano or a flute the gap between the in breath and out-breath.

Eckhart Tolle

Become aware of the gap between our feelings and the reaction to them, become conscious of the actions happening around us and the space between the fact and the labeling that happens in the mind, the judgement, the reaction.
There is this tiny little space, where time can stop and so can the reaction.
We can avoid the labeling, the judgement, the attachment to the habit of interpreting facts through the lenses  of the ego, if we can become aware of that gap and stay there.
Stay in the space where we feel the space between the self and the body, and the mind.
We have imprisoned the soul behind the walls of the ego.
 Settle into that calm, blissful center of consciousness and allow the body and mind to serve it instead of enslaving your pure light to the irrational reasoning of the conditioned mind.

Integrate

I look. I see. Bare truth. Strpped of all pretences and illusions.
It is raw. But amazingly beautiful.
Blinding with its brilliance.
Beyond any reason or knowledge conceivable in the mind.
When you see that it is very hard to keep living in the maya. To keep constructing the illusions and deceive yourself.
It becomes impossible.

I look. I see. The world we live in. What one may call reality. It's subjective. It is deceiving. It is always slipping and slithering and creating doubts. It blinds, it hurts sometimes.
It makes me wanna run away and cry sometimes.

The answer is not to run away.
The answer is to force myself to see.
To understand.
To break through the illusion and reach for the truth.
Not so I can hide in it.
But so I can integrate.
So I can bridge the gap that separates my reality and the ultimate truth.
To bring it forth.
To manifest it.
Not to find heaven and lock myself in it.
But to bring heaven on earth.
Ultimate truth into this dimension.

Freedom

Freedom is not something we can escape into, reach by the means of running away, or attain by fighting an outside adversary.
Freedom is the deepest, most authentic side of ourselves, expressed and lived truly in the hardest of cirumstances.
Freedom is not overcoming our fears, but truly embracing and understanding them and laughing in the face of that which we fear the most.
Freedom is not some unattainable mountain peak, or deserted island.
True liberation is the deepest place within you amidst illusionary the chains of reality.
Courage is living that freedom not for our own sake but for the ones around who are still dreaming of running away.

Pain

The purpose of life is not to end suffering. It is to realize it never existed but in your own mind.
Don't avoid the pain or mitigate it, don't deny it.
Take it, feel it, look at it examine it closely, get passionate about it and taste it fully.
And when every fiber of your body is vibrating with pain so fully you are about to desintegrate into it hold it.
Look it straight in in the eye and own it.
And then release it- laughing with joy, experiencing every moment of it and the lesson it teaches you, fill it up with the ecstasy of the journey, let it rush through you as the greatest cosmic orgasm and enjoy it to the last bit.
Let it linger, in your mouth, in your hair and your fingertips, in the smell on the crease of your neck.
Integrate into your being, not as your suffering but as your blessing.
Your pain is a part of you, don't suffer it.
Love it passionately.

Death

"To fear death is not to live. You cannot live unless you are willing to die. Only by letting go you can allow life in. Otherwise, you are stiff, rigid and uptight- really dead"

Voyager Tarot
XIII Death

Rejoice

Suffering has always been an option.
Suffering is allowing the circumstances
to bring me down,
to discourage me
turn my reality to despair.
Suffering is allowing the pain to overwhelm me,
darkness to overpower me.
Suffering is my attachment to my ego
My ego which thinks it's important
Suffering no longer serves me.
I cannot change the circumstances
I don't want to change who I am.
I don't want to change my world
I want to turn it upside down
I am to laugh at despair
Stare that pain in the eye
And find it amusing
I am to let go
Of that notion
Attachment
Belief
The importance
I am to laugh at the ego that suffers
The torture of being important
Rejoice in that laughter

No light at the end of the tunnel

Don't let circumstances limit you. 

Live your truth the fullest regardless.

And when the going gets tough

keep walking in your own path  

in your own truth

do not veer in other directions 

or try to walk into someone's footsteps

For only your own truth can take you to the other side.

There is no light at the end of the dark,

No secret to finding the way

other than you are your own light

making your way out of the darkness 

and into eternal love.

Prayer

Fill me up with love
I want no more hatred and anger and fear
Heal me
I want no more judgement and prejudice
In my heart
Fill me up with love
And let me share
With every other being
Let me love like you do
Without the shadow of doubt
Without condition
Heal me
Fill me up with love

The song of my heart

A costant battle with time
Working to carve out space
Working to empty my heart
Of attachment and hate
Tirelessly walking in mud
Hopefully seeking havens
Defying entitlement and shame
Tirelessly walking
No path to follow
The only light to follow...
The song of my heart.

Words of wisdom

"A lot of our anxieties are stemming from the same basic principles that have always defined the process of breaking down the ego.
That process, by definition, is going to 1) be scary, 2) seem unfamiliar, 3) face resistance from the very thing we're trying to "destroy", 4) be difficult to see through to the end as it becomes increasingly marred with doubts, as we move further and further down the funnel of establishment. It's one thing to question the preconceived notions about age, gender, race, "societal norms"but it's a completely other animal entirely when we begin questioning the existence of reality, the formation of our own consciousness, existence down to the very core of everything we've ever believed to be true. We find ourselves asking the question: what do I have to fall back on if everything I've built is going to be swept away like dust in the wind? The answer is: there never was a "you" as a separate identity in the first place so there's nothing that's actually falling and there's never been anything to lose. Thinking conceptually and knowing viscerally are clearly very distinct things, but that's why this is a journey and not simply a door that to walk through. Embrace the existence of the ego whenever it peeks its head up. Go into the fear of change and uncertainty that swarms around like a sandstorm. Breathe deeply and be aware. You're beautiful."


...

The voice

"There is nothing more important to true growth than realizing that you are not the voice of the mind- you are the one who hears it."

The Untethered Soul

Convenience

We have chosen convenience.
But what price?
The price of our happiness, our consciousness, our home, our lives.
For convenience we've poisoned the earth's waters so we can conveniently reach for another plastic bottle.
For convenience we have paved the roads and build the cars that poison our lungs, so we can go run on treadmills.
The convenience of anything disposable from plate to diapers, the convenience of handing off our resposibilty to someone else, a nameless convenience that may be less concerned than we are with....convenience.
The convenience that is suffocating mother earth and numbing our conscience.
Is the price of convenience worth it?
Is convenience the word we choose to substitute for ignorance and laziness.
Does convenience equal recklessness?

I can't breathe

Bound by beton and steel
I can't breathe
My eyes forced shut
My lungs filled with poison
My heart squeezed by reason
I can't breathe
My veins bleeding black blood
My womb barren and shut
My hands chained
My head bent
My pride broken
I suffocate slowly
My ankles shackled
My soul slowly dying
I can't breathe
My fate in the arms of humanity
I breathe slowly
My last breaths

Live free

Live free or die trying...

The light in you

Does fear create doubt or doubt creates fear?
Are the circumstances creating the thoughts or the thoughts the circumstances?
Are we actually loosening the grip of the mind or is the mind deceiving us to think we are, only to hold tighter?
When you loose sight of the light continue walking blindly, believing the light in you will guide you.