Anger

Anger is something that has been coming up a lot lately. Both in my personal life and in people around me.

For a long time I have been terrified of it, my own anger and that directed towards me. 

Just witnessing anger has made me feel small, threatened and to shrink.

If I can't face and hold my own anger, how can I ever hope to witness another's ?

If I am afraid of my own anger it only makes sense that I am afraid of confrontation with another. 

What is anger? 

An emotion. A feeling, a provoked sensation of energy moving upward and outward. We very often block the movement of this energy outwards out of fear of hurting others, of consequences, of chaos, ultimately of loosing control. 

Anger is a catalyst towards new things. 

I can't deny that anger is destructive. I may have some affinity to Destruction. My inner Kali always  comes on top. And I need to take into account that Destruction is frightening, yet sometimes very necessary. 

Destruction and loss of Control often signify Change. Release of the comfortable boundaries that no longer serve, but instead imprison.

And if I don't let the Anger express itself outwards it inevitably turns inwards. Towards my  own self. So I become more angry. 

I become angry at being angry. I become angry for not allowing myself to be angry. 

It reeks havoc in my internal environment and eventually causes a disconnect  within me. 

A disconnect from my anger. And our anger is a propeller of creative and change. A disconnect from myself

I become stuck. 

Often that leads to depression. They say unexpressed anger turns into sadness. 

I often fear expressing anger because I feel empty and exhausted afterwards. But that is only because I am so used to holding the unexpressed emotions all the time. 

I am accustomed to holding rather than letting go. I am in the habit of fixing rather than letting it be. 

Anger doesn't require throwing chairs and blasting walls. At least not all the time.

The anger is looking for honest expression and recognition. 

Simply stating I am Angry. To myself and to another as the first step to the acknowledgement of the emotion. 

Accepting that I am angry and that I have the full right to feel so. 

Right away Anger becomes a creative force rather than unwanted child. 

Anger is an indication that something is not right and it needs to change. Rather than escaping or changing the feeling, it begs that I face the circumstances and situations that made me feel this way and take steps to shift that which makes me Angry. 

Anger is an unapologetic Force. It is honest, It burns and demands.

Instead of shrinking, I now call on the Anger. For protection of my boundaries, for letting go of that which is no longer needed, for my own sanity, for my own self-Love.

I have fallen in Love with my Anger. 

And I now demand yours too.

I have held mine, wept in its arms, made Love to it. 

I know now that I can face another's anger too.

 And if it becomes too much, I will hold it. But I demand it nonetheless. It is a part, a vital part of the Authentic Self.

And I want nothing less.